Hey love, nice tits!

(Illustration by Sina Becker)

There’s a garage at the bottom of my road that I have to walk past if I want to get pretty much anywhere, and several times a week up to several times a day (depending on how often I walk past) I get wolf-whistled at, stared at, or have something muttered at me as I walk past. There have been occasions where a man stood outside the garage has completely stopped what he is doing purely to ogle at me for a good 30 seconds while I walk towards him. Last week I heard a wolf-whistle, looked behind me and several men had come out of the garage to stare at me as I walked down the street, with one man actually gestering with his hands the shape of an arse at me.

And you know what? I absolutely fucking hate it. It makes me feel awkward, exploited and downright annoyed. I get fired up every time it happens and I get the usual same bullshit responses:

1. Stop moaning.
2. You’re nitpicking.
3. You shouldn’t wear clothes that make men want to shout things at you.
4. You should stop being a female.
5. You should chop your breasts off.
6. It’s a compliment. Why can’t you take a compliment?
7. IT’S YOUR FAULT FOR LOOKING NICE.
8. STOP HAVING A BODY!

    Etc…

You know what I have to say to you? Honestly? Fuck. Off.

Fuck. Right Off.

The sheer fact that I have to justify how awkward/uncomfortable/pissed off/dirty street harassment – and yes it is harassment because I consider it to be so, so fuck off on that issue also – makes me feel is just ridiculous. “But they’re only being nice! You’re so ungrateful! They’re just acknowledging your body!”

Ah yes, I need to have my body validated by a group of men on the street. I think I’ve even had someone tell me to be thankful they weren’t groping me or following me down a back alley (kind of blocked that one out of my memory though). I’ve had someone else ask me “well Caf, what else are they going to do?”

Er, well, I don’t know. They could just NOT SAY ANYTHING, PERHAPS?

Not to generalise but the overall consensus whenever I mention anything is females agreeing, sympathising and getting angry. An equal amount of men do the same, but I then I always get more than a few men who ask me why it’s bad, why I don’t get flattered, why I complain.

I get it. You don’t get wolf-whistled at or objectified on a daily basis. You don’t generally get asked to suck someone’s dick on the way to a bus stop at 8.30 in the morning, and then called an ugly slut when you roll your eyes and decline, be it politely or not so much. Silly me for misinterpreting that as offensive when it’s actually a compliment! Do you often have a group of guys on the other side of the road shout something odd at your friend, only to result in you laughing and having “Who said you could laugh? Ugly bitch!” yelled at you? You probably don’t do you? So I understand that you don’t get it, and that you might even think street harassment is made up or that it never happens. Oh I can assure you, it does. And please, if you don’t get it, PLEASE, don’t pretend that you do.

You can go as far as trying to understand an issue, but if you aren’t the victim of that issue then it’s not your place to decide how that issue should make someone feel. You just don’t get to do that. I can do my best to understand racism and homophobia and ableism but I’m not necessarily a victim of them so who the fuck am I to say that a certain insult doesn’t hurt a certain person, or to try and explain how someone feels for them? In the same way, if you don’t get subject to street harassment on a daily basis, who the fuck are you to tell me what I should get angry about, or what should make me feel flattered, or what should make me feel uncomfortable?

I don’t hate men, and I feel like I have to tread on eggshells whenever I talk about a certain group of men who do wolf-whistle; call me a slut as I walk past them on a night out; feel it’s alright to grope my arse at the bar and then call me “uptight” when I tell them to fuck off.

Apparently if I dress a certain way, anyone is allowed to pass judgement on the way I dress. So if I wear a short skirt, I’m obviously inviting you to wolfwhistle and shout “sexy!” at me, in the same way that I suppose having large breasts warrants men to shout “TITTIES!” at girls with large breasts and think it’s okay because, well it’s womens fault for having boobs, innit? Next thing we’ll be saying that it’s acceptable for women wearing low-cut tops and short skirts to be sexually assaulted because by dressing that way they’re basically just “asking for it”….oh….wait.

But then it’s not even that, because I’ve been wolf-whistled at hungover, wearing my scruffiest clothes. Some days I’ve opted out of wearing a dress and going for jeans instead because I’ve wanted to blend into the background as much as possible, and have still had obscene things shouted at me. I’ve been tempted to turn around and shout “Seriously?! Even NOW? But I look like dog shit today!” but I just cannot be arsed because I know I'll only be subject to more degrading comments. In the comments section of ­this article a girl explains a man who shouted suggestive comments at her “tried to justify himself by saying I was wearing jeans which made my bum look nice, and if I was going to do that, well he was perfectly within his rights.” Sigh.

From the comments I’ve gathered, I’ve come to the conclusion that the only resolution is to stop being female, to walk around in a full body sack that hides any indication that I am in possession of a body, and which could possibly convince people that from my neck to my knees I’m actually made of Milkybars and jam. I also should carry around a taser gun around with me and shock anyone who “compliments” me.

By wolf-whistling at me you’re just confirming to me that you basically think I’m a walking ornament. I’ve called street harassment ‘objectification’ because well, it’s a pretty common form of objectification surely? Since however long back in history, women have been admired as nimble objects, as things of prettiness, of ornaments that just so happen to move and breathe and think (but not for themselves, because we’re still not allowed to do that without being told to “stop being stupid”). In many countries, women are still only allowed to undertake “feminine” jobs in factories and are hired on their attractiveness over their technical abilities. I know some people will say “but Caf, you’re overanalysing things, you’re just nitpicking, you’re just making an issue when there isn’t one” but there IS a fucking issue, and stop telling me that I shouldn’t feel uncomfortable, or WORSE that I should start taking absurd, crude and downright vulgar comments on the chin and be thankful for the validation of my attractiveness by my male counterparts? It's hard to even laugh it off anymore because it's endless, tiring and frustrating. I imagine a good deal of men don't realise the effect a few words can have on someone, and judging by the response I've had from a few individuals when I've mentioned it on Twitter, I can only hope that by actually discussing the issue I can make some people aware about how much of a big deal street harassment is to a lot of people, so at least even if you aren't carrying it out, you can stop making a woman feel stupid for getting upset over something she has every right to be pissed off at.

I guess I should just learn to accept getting “TITS!” and “ARSE!” shouted at me as I walk to the bus stop, as obviously having the presence of certain parts of my anatomy pointed out to me by random strangers is quintessential to my existence, just in case one day my tits fall off and get lodged down a drain and I have to ask some heckling buffoon to help me retrieve my breasts from the Manchester drainage system. Where would I be without being reminded that I have a reproductive system, eh? God forbid that I actually forget I have a body one day because I’m sure without having certain parts of my anatomy pointed out to me on a daily basis I’d somehow forget that I’m actually human and implode. Haha, imagine that. Sigh.