Work in Progress: Oxfam Granny Blanket!

Since I've started volunteering at Oxfam I've noticed that we get a lot of yarn donated, however it's often just a bag of someone's yarn stash consisting of lots of small balls of wool that we can't sell. Considering all I ever go on about is crochet and how much of a crochet nerd I am, today the deputy manager asked if I'd like to go away and make a granny blanket that they would then sell in the shop! Considering I attempt to start about 7 different projects a week (and normally give up about 10 minutes into each), I love it when people request things for me to make as it gives me more of a purpose and I find it motivating!

Some of the balls were completely moth-eaten (a shame, because some of it was actually wool rather than the cheap acrylic stuff I normally buy) but all in all there's a nice combination of different weights and colours, as well as some alpaca yarn and plenty of cotton! Just look below at HOW MUCH WOOL THERE IS!

So as much as I love completely random and thrown together colours and designs, I'm also a bit of a perfectionist so I find it hard to make something without a distinct colour scheme or design. I've thrown together a couple of large granny squares tonight just watching TV, I reckon I'll do a couple of big granny squares and then do a couple of borders and then some other random squares until it's just a huge massive fantastic blanket! Not really sure how to incorporate the chunkier yarn yet, as I've stuck to the same 4mm hook so far to make sure the gauge is the same for the whole thing so that it sews together easier. Maybe I'll make another mini blanket? Who knows!

Watch this space, I'll keep updating as I do more of it :)

Caf

x

Long time no see!

Hello folks!

I have been a bit inconsistent with this blog as of late, and after a bit of tidying up, the last post now goes all the way back to January! After finishing my third year studying Geography I've decided to carry on and do a fourth year. As it's probably the last summer where I can spend several months relaxing and doing what I want, I've decided to fill it with as many crafts as I can! I can happily say I've finally come off Citalopram and although I've had a few wobbly days I feel great for it and have managed to volunteer every week in my local Oxfam shop since February, as well as doing some volunteering through university. I've also managed to go swimming on my own once a week! I am really happy at how far I have come with my anxiety as although I still struggle a bit with phonecalls, I've managed to do most of the things I couldn't have dreamed of doing even at the start of the year, and I finally feel like there really isn't anything stopping me from doing what I want to do - something I've never been able to think before! So my outlook is looking a lot more positive and I'm really excited for things to come.

As I've been getting more into my crafts, I tried to start a new blog exclusive to crochet, knitting and the like, but I lost patience with it and it wasn't really hitting off so I've instead decided to merge those posts in with this blog. I'll probably also blog a bit more about what I've been up to - if it's anything vaguely exciting - so this blog will become a bit more varied and less of a place I only come to moan and talk about my problems!

Caf

x

Note to self: Please do these things in 2013

Decided that maybe if I make a list of things I want to do/achieve this year (and things I often have avoided doing due to anxiety) I will be more obliged to do them. So here it is:

Note to self for 2013

- Apply for volunteering positions, preferably in a shop so you can finally learn how to use a till!

- Start to volunteer with Student Action at uni such as helping out at parties for the elderly or the film afternoons they hold or with the homeless JUST DO ANYTHING CAF IT'LL BE ENJOYABLE

- Start to go swimming regularly, hopefully on your own (even though this is quite high up the hierarchy of things that set off your anxiety, so you might have to drag boyfriend or friends along first)

- Keep going to Knitting Society meetings every other Tuesday, as when you have been it's been a barrel of laughs and a nice way to unwind from uni work (you are sad that you didn't get to go much last semester so will try and make the most of it this year) and stop panicking about how you might not know anyone as you've been before and it was not only fine but really fun AND you didn't even need alcohol to feel relaxed

- Look for knitting/crochet groups in Manchester (if it's free and there's time)

- Join a nude drawing class?! (because come on Caf, you love genitals and you miss drawing quite a lot)

- Be confident enough to apply for jobs over summer (this is the big'un, what with never having a job and the thought of even applying for a job filling you with such inadequacy that you want to sink into the floor like a slug that's just come into contact with salt)

COME ON CAF! YOU CAN DO IT! YEAHHHH!

Latest creation: Magic Garden

I haven't had a lot of time to crochet recently because of the uni work piling on in third year *grumble* but whenever I get the chance to crochet it's a nice way to relax and try and forget that I'm drowning under a sea of books and journal articles...

So here is my latest creation for my friend Emily's 21st (@emily_rebecca), a magic garden complete with mushroom house, button-tree with a whimsical owl on top, two accidentally creepy looking rabbits and a golden sequin path. I made the flowers on the left hand side by crocheting three or four different sewing threads together using this pattern. To make sure it stood up (the circle base was a bit floppy!) I sandwiched a piece of card between the base of the garden and another circle made using double crochet, to give it a solid foundation.

And here it is!

I'm extra happy because this is one of the first things I've made that I have improvised, on the most part without any patterns. I did take inspiration from these amazing crochet houses by meekssandygirl on Flickr: 

Anxiety, CBT & the quest for "normality"

So following on from my last non-wool related blog post, I finally went to my doctors and decided to ask about talking therapies on option.

It seems I definitely do have social anxiety. A catch-22 if you like, as the main issue I have is worrying about what other people think of me, and making a fool of myself. Therefore when I tried to seek help about my anxiety in the first place I downplayed it (worried my doctor would think I was silly) and made it seem like it wasn't an evil parasitic twin following me around and endlessly ruining my fun and happiness. 

I was put on anti-depressants to deal with my anxiety, and I can't really fault them. I needed a quick fix because at the time I finally sought help about my anxiety and went to my GP I felt like a ticking bomb that could blow at any moment. I was permanently anxious and the tiniest thing could tip me over the edge and render me useless for the next day or two. Obviously I didn't expect to be wrapped up in a blanket by my GP and for him to flip head over heels to make me feel less like I was going to blow up every time I encountered a troublesome situation, but the whole "here have these tablets they will make you feel better, now off you go" thing meant that I hadn't really addressed my problems at all, and simply had a quick fix for something that had been bothering me for most of my life, and would continue to so if I didn't do something.

While I feel that being put on tablets helped me out massively, it also drew me into a false sense of security. Anxiety is multi-layered and revolves around physical symptoms (breathlessness, cold sweats, feeling clammy, lightheadedness, butterflies...), thoughts and behaviours. The tablets pretty much eliminated the physical symptoms which made me think that I was miraculously cured of anxiety. Not having the physical symptoms was great, and allowed me to function somewhat normally in situations where I would normally turn into a quivering sweaty mess and want to adopt the fetal position in situations where it would  have been a bit inappropriate (buses, lectures, cinemas). However because I hadn't dealt with why I was actually anxious in the first place, the thoughts and behaviours were still there.

For example, things I have problems with: 

phone calls; being in quiet spaces; being in places where it's hard to leave without being noticed; getting off buses; having people in the house I don't know; going to new places, doing things on my own; being at the till in shops...

 While I would be able to manage most of these things now I'm on the tablets and am a lot calmer and don't physically feel like I'm going to invert with panic, there is still a mental block - the anxious thoughts are still there, which leads to anxious behaviours. In my case this involves avoiding a lot of situations, then getting really frustrated at myself, and then crying into a pillow once a month thinking the world is going to end.

So, I went to the doctor and expressed that while the tablets are great and please can I have some more, I also really want to come off them. Being on tablets doesn't really bother me because simply what I was experiencing before the tablets was hell on earth, but they have made certain parts of my genitals as responsive as a dead fox and also make me fall asleep after one pint. Not ideal. So I decided that I would try out CBT to try and combat the way I think and react to my anxiety, and then attempt to come off the tablets. In my head it doesn't make sense to come off the tablets without dealing with the mental aspect of my anxiety, as coming off tablets to me suggests some kind of end process and considering I panic and hide under my duvet whenever the phone rings, I don't think I'm quite ready yet...

The CBT!

I was referred to Self Help Services  (not sure if this is exclusive to Manchester or a national thing) and just had to confirm whether I wanted an appointment and which type of treatment I wanted (online, one-on-one sessions, or group sessions). I was given a practitioner and initially had an hour in which I was able to talk about everything I was bothered about. I was surprised at how easy it was, as I guess the woman was used to irrational anxieties and phobias, so hearing about my thought processes and the things I fear the most seemed pretty normal to her, even if they seem a bit odd to me and other people I've spoken to!

Then over the following weeks (going up to last week) we looked at what goals I hope to achieve, and how I'm going to achieve them. She sent me away with loads of things to read to better understand anxiety and also some information on muscle relaxation and breathing exercises - which I had always been too lazy to do but now I've tried them they actually have worked. Hooray! 

I then was told to keep a thought diary, which involves thinking fully about each situation that causes me anxiety, and to identify the thoughts and feelings I have at that moment and to give them a % rating of how anxious I felt (0 being the least and 100 being the highest). I then had to distance myself from the situation, and try and give evidence for and against what I was thinking, which was useful as it taught me to think rationally about a situation instead of in my panicky mindset which is usually along the lines of "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

An example:

(I hope this is actually readable...) 

Now I've started doing this for various situations, I've started to note a difference in how I approach certain situations as I become more aware of what I'm doing and can maintain a clearer head if I do start to panic. I'm really happy with how the CBT is going and finally feel like I'm actually making progress in getting the confidence to confront the situations I have always avoided. Before I started CBT, the only time I really got to speak about my anxiety was to friends or really briefly to my doctor in order to prove myself unstable enough to get more medication (fun fun). Talking is good and all, but actually doing these exercises to combat the way I think about things, and in turn how I react to them seems to be the key to finally sorting myself out.

 Next step is to actually implement this into gradually exposing myself to the situations I fear, taking little steps from the smallest worries to the biggest. Eek!

The Big Woolly Crochet Moomin Blog

Over the past few months I've been crocheting moomins. I've made three, and every time I make them I forget how much time and effort they take and I want to cry before I've even gotten round to assembling them. However once they are finished I think they look quite impressive and are probably the most rewarding figures I've crocheted so far. 

After trawling the web, I found this pattern from Crochet Amigurumi Blogg. Unfortunately it's in Swedish so it took me a while to get the hang of the pattern and it took me forever to work out the pattern, but I worked out in the end that "tills" is the same as a stitch decrease (sc2tog) and as long as you make sure the number of stitches add up at the end of each row you should be dandy. If you plan to make a moomin I'd strongly suggest using a stitch marker and moving it as you crochet each row, as especially in the head, every row seems to be different and it's easy to lose track of where you are up to! As a result, the first moomin I made had more of a bulbous bulge than the cute moomin snout, and as much as people compliment me on it, I'll always look at it with a bit of disdain...

Although I occasionally post photos of the moomins in progress and after they are finished, I thought it would be quite nice to put them all in one place and explain a bit about the making of them, which hopefully will also be useful if anyone fancies having a go at crocheting one.

The first thing to start with is the head. The number of stitches, and most importantly where you decrease stitches, gives the head the moomin shape. This is why it's important to use a stitch marker, because if you miss out stitches then you might end up decreasing in the wrong position and your head won't be the right shape! Here the head is ready to stuff.

Next, to the start the body.

Here is the base of body (the black thread acting as a stitch marker). 

Unlike with most amigurumi/stuffed toys I've made in crochet, you start at the bottom of the body and crochet upwards.

Here I am continuing to crochet the body from the bottom upwards, to create a basket shape.

Eventually you will decrease the amount of stitches per row so the body gets a conical shape and will taper up to form the upper body and neck.

Once the body and head are finished, stuffed full of fiber filling and fastened off, the head is sewn to the body.

The ears and made and sewn on, and the limbs and tail are then made, stuffed, and sewn on.

Moomin II, made for my best friend Rach

Then it comes to the details!

 Yellow yarn can be sewn into the top of the head, and if you separate the individual yarn strands you get a lovely blonde fringe (great if you want to make a Snorkmaiden moomin!). 

The eyes can be embroidered on, and here I used black and brown embroidery thread. I originally tried to make the eyes out of felt but I didn't feel there was enough of a contrast between white or cream felt (for the pupils of the eye) against the white wool of the moomin. Safety eyes could also be used, but I don't feel they would make it look much like a moomin!

Moomin II posing on our radiator.

I was then asked to custom make a moomin for a fellow Twitter-er. I used a design similar to Moomin II which can be seen above. I call this one Moomin III (even though I based the last two on the character Snorkmaiden so they really should be Snorkmaiden I & II...OH WELL).

The back of Moomin III.

I based the details of Moomin III on this photo and I'm very happy with the result!

Ta-daaa!

For this moomin I changed the position of the arms and stitched them into the body so that they appeared to be more closed. I was then able to create some tiny flowers using this easy pattern by Jodie Kundhi and stitch them together and to the front of the arms, to give the appearance that the moomin is offering flowers. I stitched a bit of the same coloured yarn as the hair to make the flowers look a bit more exciting.

I also changed the embroidery of the eyes to appear closed, as I felt it made the moomin look cuter than embroidering on wide open eyes.

So there we have it. Woolly crochet moomins!

I am happy to custom make moomins, however they do take quite a bit of time and effort, and as I'm starting back at uni on the 24th September I need to start balancing crochet with uni stuff (sad face). 

However if you'd like me to make you a moomin, please DM me on Twitter (@shutupcaf) 

:)

Up, Up & Crochet!

A few months ago I got sucked into the addictive hoover that is crochet and I haven't been able to emerge since. I don't really mind though, it just means my house is covered in bits of wool and every day a new stuffed animal makes it onto our TV cabinet to obscure the view of the screen a little more. I planned on blogging about it from the start but due to general laziness and being too busy with...er...crochet, I never quite managed. So here I am, three-ish months later attempting to do my first crochet blog!

I gained an interest in crocheting when my mum bought me the Cath Kidston Crochet Book for Christmas which included a crochet hook, a few balls of yarn and an instruction manual. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone. The wool is bad quality, there isn't enough of it to complete the project (a granny square cushion) and the written instructions were impossible to work out, not just for someone who has never crocheted before, but even my mum (who has crocheted in the past) couldn't work out the basic stitches from the sketches in the book. I also felt it was also massively overpriced at £20, as you can get a crochet hook for £1-2 on the high street and a huge bundle of wool (not amazing quality but significantly better than those in the kit) for about £1.60 (Wilkinsons, Dunelm Mill and Abakhan Fabrics are my favourite places for wool, but you can also sometimes get cheap yarn in places like The Works). The tin was nice for decoration, until the lid fell off...so yeah.

Ms Octopus knows her shit.

I found the instructions in the Cath Kidston kit stupidly confusing, and so turned to Youtube for some tutorials. Thankfully, Youtube is full to the brim of EVERYTHING and has plenty of excellent crochet tutorials. I wanted to begin with granny squares, and stumbled across the user Bethintx1 who has some brilliant videos covering all sorts of crochet patterns and stitches. I found the tutorial for granny squares particularly good as you can clearly see what she is doing as she crochets, and it's slow enough for someone who has never crocheted before to pick up. After stopping and re watching the videos on granny squares constantly for four hours getting the stitches wrong over and over again, I finally got the hang of it, and I was off! To be fair, I haven't learnt many different stitches since I started, but the more you do it the better you get at getting neater, more even stitches (or I was just a shit beginner crocheter, haha).

Below is part 1 of the granny square tutorial. (The video uses American crochet terminology which is different from the British terminology, in case you want to learn the British terms. They are pretty easy to translate across, I just prefer the American terms as most of the patterns I use are American).

I also wanted to have a go at crocheting some small crochet animals (they are also known as amigurumi) so I found this tuturial on crochet pigs. I won't lie, it was a ridiculous amount of effort, took 8 hours and my first two attempts looked more like deformed bumble bees with legs, but the third one came out quite cute so I wasn't too arsed. Just following that one tutorial was enough to get the jist of written patterns too, which has meant I've been able to create a load of different animals fairly soon after I picked up my crochet hook for the first time.

Ta-daa!

Why you should give crochet a go? 

It's ridiculously satisfying, and once you learn the basic stitches (there's only really three or four) you can make most things...I've already made hats, door knob cosys, iPod pouches, cuddly tiny animals! It's all about keeping count of the amount of stitches, and trust me, once you start it's a really easy hobby, plus when I look at the things I've made I think they look so good compared to what I had to do to actually make them. It's a ridiculously rewarding hobby, just requires a lot of time and patience.

Anyway, I'll definitely be posting more about crochet in the near future so keep an eye out! :)